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photograph of Kaitlin

by Kaitlin
spacerAge 16

The ABUSE Factor in Dating

     Teenage girls today are confident, sassy, and more beautiful than ever. So why is it that more teenage girls have become involved in physically and emotionally unhealthy relationships? Perhaps it is the lack of education girls are given about dating violence.

     When girls go out on a date, they have the right to courtesy and respect from their companion. But in 1 out of 10 cases, they are treated exactly the opposite way. In 1 out of 10 cases, teenagers experience violence in dating relationships. Frequently, girls do not even realize they are being abused until it is too late. Abuse is not an issue to be taken lightly, for it has many horrible and degrading forms, each carefully designed to hurt the victim in one way or another. In short, abuse is the act of emotional, physical or sexual violence performed by one person designed to control or dominate the victim. Abuse in a dating relationship is usually in the form of the boy dominating his girlfriend. Abuse also exists in the form of a girl controlling her boyfriend, and it also exists in homosexual relationships. However, the most common form is that of a boyfriend abusing his girlfriend.

     When the word abuse comes to mind, many people think of sexual violence. Sexual abuse is quite rampant in dating relationships, but it is not the only form of abuse that is practiced. It is important to be aware of all the different types-emotional abuse, physical abuse, and sexual abuse. Here are a few examples of each.

Emotional abuse: consists of words or actions designed to harm the victim's self-esteem and isolate her from her life outside of the dating relationship. Emotional abuse is scarring, and can have profound effects on the victim's psyche and opinions about herself. Some examples of emotional abuse are:

  • The boyfriend exhibits extreme jealously and doesn't let his girlfriend spend time with any other friends (especially male friends).
  • The girl is insulted, put down, or sworn at.
  • The boyfriend controls what the girl wears, eats, and where and when she can go out.
  • The girl's physical safety is verbally threatened.
  • The boy repeatedly tells lies and doesn't keep promises.

Physical abuse: consists of actions that cause pain or physical injury to the victim. Physical abuse is emotionally and physically harmful, and it is used to make the boyfriend feel "in control" and to keep his girlfriend "in line". Some example of this are:

  • Punching, hitting, slapping, or kicking.
  • Shaking, pushing, or grabbing any part of the girl's body.
  • Any physical act that is unwelcome (e.g. Unwanted tickling or hugging).
  • Attacking with a weapon of any kind (knife, gun, scissors, etc.).
  • Destroying the girl's personal property.

Sexual abuse: : consists of unwanted sexual advances, contact, comments, or innuendo. Sexual abuse can make a girl feel used, dirty, and ashamed. The most extreme act of sexual abuse is rape, which is the act of forcing sexual intercourse on an unwilling partner. Not only does a girl remember this for the rest of her life, but it also affects every sexual decision she makes in the future.

     Rape is not the only form of sexual abuse. Unwanted sexual comments, touches, and embraces are also sexual abuse. If someone touches you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, this is sexual abuse and should not be tolerated. Tell the person to stop what they are doing. If possible, try to get the attention of a parent, of another adult, or of a friend who can help you. Sexual abuse is a crime, and regardless of who does it to you, or if you've had previous sexual relations, it is wrong.

Emotional, physical and sexual abuse are not something that become an issue with every dating couple. 90% of teenagers are not involved in abusive relationships. But because 10% are, it is extremely important to be aware of the warning signs of an abusive relationship. If you are aware of the warning signs, you have the chance to leave the relationship before you get in too deep to do so.

The ABUSE Factor in Dating (Main Page Dating Violence)
Warning Signs
The Never-ending CYCLE of Violence
WHY Boyfriends Abuse
WHY Girlfriends Stay
If YOU are involved in an UNHEALTHY Relationship...
Help a FRIEND in an Unhealthy Relationship!
Get your FACTS STRAIGHT, please! and Bibliography