The Never-ending CYCLE of Violence

     If not made aware of the previous warning signs, many teenage girls in jeopardy unknowingly let their relationships fall into a cycle of violence. Surprisingly, this cycle isn't complicated at all, but the majority of abused girls fail to recognize that what they're being put through is abuse.

     There are three parts to the cycle. The first part is the Tension-Building Stage. In this stage there is an atmosphere of heightened anxiety, with the abuser being constantly on edge and increasingly irritable. The girl feels like she must walk on eggshells around her boyfriend, and unless she does this, the situation could spontaneously combust.

     The second part is the Acute/Abusive Stage. In this stage the majority of the emotional, verbal, physical and sexual abuse takes place. It is concentrated and intense, with the batterer lashing out verbally, physically and sexually. During this time, the abuser sees nothing but rage and is blind to reason. His anger is often more powerful than the girl could have ever imagined.

     The third part is the "Honeymoon" Stage. In this stage the abuser feels intense remorse about what he did to his girlfriend, and desperately pleads for her forgiveness. He may even shed tears of shame (which make his girlfriend more forgiving), bringing out her maternal side and leading her to feel sorry for him. He might also blame her for the abuse, saying things like "If you wouldn't do ________, then I wouldn't get so angry." This can make his girlfriend feel confused, outraged, and sad, all at the same time. But girlfriends in abusive relationships usually all come to the same conclusion after this stage: They forgive their partner's behavior, and in doing so, let the cycle of violence begin again.

     It is very important to realize that although an abuser's partner seems to be able to leave the relationship at any time, the situation is not that simple. To be able to understand why the cycle of violence continues on and on, knowledge of why boyfriends abuse in the first place is helpful. Knowledge of why abused girlfriends stay in relationships also helps to build understanding. Judging the two partners in an abusive relationship does no one any good. In order to help them, understanding their mind-set is key. (Information such as this can be especially helpful if you have a friend in an abusive relationship and are feeling frustrated, angry, or helpless about how to help him/her.)

The ABUSE Factor in Dating (Main Page Dating Violence)
Warning Signs
The Never-ending CYCLE of Violence
WHY Boyfriends Abuse
WHY Girlfriends Stay
If YOU are involved in an UNHEALTHY Relationship...
Help a FRIEND in an Unhealthy Relationship!
Get your FACTS STRAIGHT, please! and Bibliography