Tracy and I had been friends for three summers before she died, so you might think I have some special insight into why that happened. Well, sorry to disappoint you, but I don't have a clue. I was only in Arlington for three months a year anyway, during the summer. We'd write letters sporadically, or call back and forth, Tracy and Rebecca and I, but there's a limit to how heart-to-heart you can be when your parents only let you talk long distance for 20 minutes a month. So, I didn't even know Tracy was using until the summer after eighth grade, although Rebecca told me afterward that Tracy started all that when she was twelve. Tracy was the first person I knew who did drugs. I mean, I'd seen some of the rednecks at my school smoking a joint or two behind the gym, and there's always beer at football games if you know who to ask, but Tracy was the first person I knew who did drugs. The first person I knew who became addicted.

     Even so, it never seemed like drugs were a big part of her life. Living in the city, it's kind of assumed that most of the rich kids get high at least occasionally. That extra thrill at a party, or just to take the edge off a bad day. We all assumed it was like that with Tracy, and I guess it was like that at first. You couldn't always tell when she was high, because she was super-cheerful all the time, whether she'd taken anything or not.

     That last summer, though, there were some days when it looked like she'd been crying, but she still seemed happy. Or maybe that was the drugs. Those sad days still make me wonder. Like one day, sometime in August, when Tracy and me and our friends were out on her porch, talking about what we were going to do when we were all together again next summer. I knew I wasn't going to be back, because of my dad's job. I told Tracy and she started crying, like she wasn't going to see any of us again.

     Two weeks later I was back at home, and two months later Tracy was dead. She'd taken heroin, and she'd taken a lot. Maybe it was an accident, maybe it wasn't. Maybe it was the only way she could think of to deal with her addiction. I've never used; I have no idea what she was going through. I have no idea what she was going through, and I hope to God I never learn.

BackDrugs Main Page