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Natalie
Age 14
Domestic Violence

Another woman died today
Not far from where you live;
Just there, next door where the tall light
Falls across the pavement
                                        -Carol Geneyaka Kaplan

          Domestic violence is a worldwide issue. It happens to all kinds of people and occurs in all types of societies. Men mainly perpetrate domestic violence but it can also happen in same sex relationships. Domestic violence is when one partner attempts to physically or psychologically control and dominate the other. A partner gains power and uses it to abuse and violate their partner. Domestic violence occurs during a relationship and after separation. And can take on many forms. The abuse can be verbal, sexual, physical or emotional. Domestic violence is also known as battering and is a serious issue that can result in death. Yet, it still remains invisible.

What is Battering?

          Battering is a constant pattern of harmful behavior in order to establish power and control over another person. Battering often occurs when one person feels that they are entitled to control another person. They often are not able to have mutual relationships as a result of fear and intimidation by another person. They express themselves by violence. The most common forms of domestic abuse include physical abuse, sexual abuse, and psychological abuse.

Physical Abuse the abuser's physical attacks or aggressive behavior can range from bruising to murder. It often begins with what is excused as trivial contacts, which escalate into more frequent and serious attacks.

Sexual Abuse Physical abuse is often accompanied by sexual violence wherein the woman is forced to have sexual intercourse with her abuser or take part in unwanted sexual activity.

Psychological Battering The abuser's psychological violence can include constant verbal abuse, harassment, excessive possessiveness, isolating the woman from friends and family, deprivation of physical and economic resources, and destruction of personal property.

Why Do Women Stay?

          While it is hard to understand sometimes, for many reasons, it can be hard for a woman to leave an abusive situation. There is a well-documented syndrome of what happens once the battering starts that also make leaving harder. Battered women experience shame, embarrassment, and isolation. A woman may not leave battering immediately because:

  • Individuals feel as if No one is able to like them any longer

  • low self-esteem

  • Individuals feel as if they have done something to deserve punishment

  • Sometimes it's more dangerous for individuals to leave relationship for fear that they and their children will suffer more violent, even death, if they leave.

  • No where to go; no income

Why do men abuse women?

          There are many theories, both true and untrue, as to why men abuse women. Some of them include family dysfunction as a child, provocation by women and lack of communication between partners. These issues can be linked with the battering and abuse of women but these issues are not the causes. The real causes vary from the perpetrators experience with abuse as a child to the need for control in any relationship. Many abusers have experienced abuse all their lives and know no other way of communicating with their partners. Maybe an individual's parent was abused when they were young and so they grow up in a state of mind where they believe that abuse is the only way. There are many other reasons for why men abuse women, such as:

  • An abuser does not recognize his partner as human. He objectifies women. He visualizes women as sexual objects and property.

  • An abuser feels intimidated by women and uses violence as a way to control women.

What are abusers like?

          Abusers are not easy to recognize, especially to those who are outside of an abusive relationship. They can:

  • Appear to be a very nice guy to outsiders.

  • Appear nice and loving at first.
In most abusive relationships, the abusive partner displays clear warning signs, such as:

  • Gains love and trust by being kind and loving at first and abusive later.

  • Blames their behavior on their partner, a bad day or stress.

  • Increasingly controlling and possessive behavior.

Helpful resources

National Domestic Abuse Hotline 1800-799-7233

Asian Task force against Domestic Violence Hotline 617-338-2355

www.Domesticvoilence.org

Statistics

  • 1 out of 3 or 1 out of 4 women presenting to the ER has been, or currently is the victim of domestic violence.

  • 1.1 million women experienced violence by a previous partner, which occurred during and after the relationship.

Domestic abuse is an extremely serious issue that nobody wants to talk about. In order to help and prevent this problem the message needs to get out. The battered women in these situations were just trying to stay alive.

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