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What is STRESS? It is a simple question with a very complex answer. The answer is so complex because teens feel as though there is no escape and certainly no right answer to the problem. My definition of stress is the fear of failure in all aspects of life. In life, when faced with obstacles that seem impossible to conquer at first, I get stressed. When I feel like something is not working or going to work, I get stressed. There are many things that can contribute to stress like: family, school, relationships and many other things. Even though my definition of stress is the fear of failure, family is a type of failure that involves the whole family. I fear that I am going to let my family down when I do not communicate with them or they when they do not communicate with me. Also a big part of failure is when we do not function, as a family should. It was so hard for me to express myself that I have to tell my story as though I am an unidentified car. Between the years 1996 and 1999 my family went through the dark ages. Everyone was so into the outside world that we did not pay any attention to our own little inside world. It was so hard for me to concentrate in school |  |
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| because of the issues at home. My grades were not up to where I wanted them to be. It seemed like I had to be involved with my parents problems just because I was part of the family. They were fussing and fighting all the time so as a child getting in the way and hearing some of the things that were said, I was heart broken. I soon found out that it was not my problem and I did not have to even hear the kind of verbal abuse that I heard.
In 1996, my stressful journey began in an unidentified car that I had never seen before because it was so foreign to my eyes. My grandmother, Cleo Sharpe died of a stroke. She was the one that believed in family and traditional values and she always stuck with her family through thick and thin. I respected her and still to this day respect her because she was the reason that all thirteen of her children attend family reunions. All my life, I have heard the saying, "you never miss your water until your well runs dry." I had never understood the meaning of this saying until my well was full of dust. The family seemed to be doing better for a while, then we took a turn down a one-way street in the same foreign car. I say one way because there are no side roads to turn down and take a rest. In 1998, the road seemed as though it was getting narrower and longer. I felt like there was no end and the only thing keeping the car going was my mind. If I had stopped to think about anything else the car would over heat and the valves would burst. I was feeling a lot of physical and emotional stress by this time. On December 25, 1998 my grandmother, Ruby Gear was hospitalized. I was torn by the fact that this incident happened on Christmas day and she happened to be my last most dear and most special grandmother. No one thought that she was going to make it through the day. All I could ask myself is, in order for a family to function as a family, does someone have to be taken away for them to realize what they have? Three months later she was released from the hospital and then rehabilitation. This was good but she had no muscle mass and she had to be taught how to use her muscles all over again. Even though I wanted to be there to help her, it was stressful to see a woman that never depended on anyone in her life ask her grandchild to help her lift a spoon. It touched me so deep in my heart that I cried alone in my room day after day. This trauma still was not enough to bring the family together. On January 12th, 1999 the angels came from above to take my grandmother home. On this particular day I was headed to no man's land in the same unidentified car. The car is my body, the gas was my spirit, and my inspiration for life was gone. My fuel was on reserve, and almost empty. I could not see or hear anyone while in my car; it was a dark road to be on alone, on with no lights, no sounds, nothing but grief. My grades were slipping and my family was spaced out into their own worlds once again. I actually thought that my grandmother's death was our fault. Reason being, we were not behaving like a family and did not seem to appreciate her until she was gone. Then I began to understand the meaning of the saying "you never miss your water until your well runs dry." She was our water that helped us survive by nourishing our minds and bodies. Now that she is gone, our life lacks nurturance. Granny was our big ball of glue that held everything together. I used to talk to her about everything. I was her little pretty girl. Over and over in my mind I asked my self "who is going to make me feel pretty now that she is gone?"
The way I dealt with these situations was by talking to the whole family about missing my two grandmothers and why I felt we were not being a family. I must say that talking to them really helped because I had so much balled up inside of me. My car was now going 20 miles per hour with the wind in my hair and I was beginning to see light and hear sounds. Translated, this meant I was able to see life clearer than I had in a long time. Even though talking to them helped, it was still something making my car stay at 20 miles per hour. The cruise button was on and could not be switched off. Something inside of me was making me stay at this one particular speed accompanied by an emotional force that would not let me go on had a tight grasp on my life. The only way I coped with the force holding my car back was by talking to my tenth grade teacher. She was someone outside of my "safety circle" that I began to trust with my feelings. I learned that when you talk to someone, all the emotional tensions like tears, pain and anger could be released. My car has now been identified as a 1999 candy apple red Lexus with a full tank of gas traveling 65 miles per hour. I give thanks to this wonderful lady. Because of her, I am myself, plus more. So I learned that dealing with things on the inside will never help. When you finally get your stress out, I might see you driving a 2000 Pontiac Grand Am. So push the Pintos aside, and let's ride. (I would like to give a special thanks to Terry Greenlund for opening doors that I thought never existed. These were not just classroom doors or kitchen doors, they were the doors that made it possible for me to visit South Africa and attend Smith Summer Science Program.) By Jacqueline Sharpe |
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